I was doing some file cleaning and came across this, which was written in 1994.\u00c2\u00a0 My, how time flies.\u00c2\u00a0 Or is it “The more things change, the more they stay the same” ?<\/p>\n
TOP ONE HUNDRED REASONS WHY 100.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard can say more than two words without gasping for air. \nTOP ONE HUNDRED REASONS WHY 100. Kirk is a leader, not a follower. I was doing some file cleaning and came across this, which was written in 1994.\u00c2\u00a0 My, how time flies.\u00c2\u00a0 Or is it “The more things change, the more they stay the same” ? TOP ONE HUNDRED REASONS WHY CAPTAIN PICARD … Continue reading
\nCAPTAIN PICARD IS BETTER THAN CAPTAIN KIRK<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n99.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard is thin enough to wear a jumpsuit with panache.
\n98.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard doesn’t need to hop in the sack to prove his masculinity.
\n97.\u00c2\u00a0 Hair doesn’t mean diddley if the personality is all air.
\n96.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard’s picture is beside the word confidence in the dictionary.
\n95.\u00c2\u00a0 Two words– Sexy Smile.
\n94.\u00c2\u00a0 If Kirk had been killed in the first episode, the show would have been reduced to 30 minutes of good acting.
\n93.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard has morals.
\n92.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard is a class act.
\n91.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard is a man of reason, who is not afraid to show his strength when necessary, but only when necessary.
\n90.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard has learned patience.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk couldn’t learn the alphabet.
\n89.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard is self-confident.
\n88.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard would rather sing to children to comfort them than kill them.
\n87.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard is sexier with his shirt unbuttoned to his waist than Kirk is completely naked.
\n86.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk didn’t have the brains to read a book or appreciate fictional characters like Dixon Hill.
\n85.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk never straightened his shirt because he was a slob.
\n84.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk only thought he beat a Vulcan at chess; Picard did.
\n83.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard listens to his first officer, considers the information, then makes an appropriate decision.
\n82.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard is rational.
\n81.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard admits he’s made mistakes.\u00c2\u00a0 It takes a real man to admit their errors.
\n80.\u00c2\u00a0 Q would have killed Kirk mistaking him for his twin brother.
\n79.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard knows how to spell his middle name.
\n78.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk wouldn’t have known what archeology was if it bit him on the ass
\n77.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard doesn’t believe himself to be omniperfect.
\n76.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard doesn’t stare at himself for hours in the mirror.
\n75.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard can tell the difference between a real woman and a mirage.
\n74.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard wears a more natural, less cakey makeup.
\n73.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard drinks ale, yet where is his “beer belly?”
\n72.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk was merely a first draft. Picard is the refined, edited version.
\n71.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard has taste.
\n70.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard is a man of culture.
\n69.\u00c2\u00a0 If a group of 10 sex starved women were being rescued by the captain of the Enterprise; if it were Kirk, they’d run away screaming, “We’ll wait for the next ship!”
\n68.\u00c2\u00a0 If it were Picard, Kirk’s favorite fantasy would come true.
\n67.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard can do much better than Joan Collins.
\n66.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard likes painting nudes, which allows him plenty of time to properly court the model.
\n65.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard can speak intelligently with his officers about anything on the Enterprise.
\n64.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk never knew Scotty lied to him about the status of the engines because he didn’t understand the Enterprise didn’t use gas.
\n63.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard can walk the walk.
\n62.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard can talk the talk.
\n61.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk can do neither without seeming like an ape.
\n60.\u00c2\u00a0 Beverly Crusher would have zapped Kirk had he made a move on her.
\n59.\u00c2\u00a0 Wesley Crusher would have been running the Enterprise had Kirk been his captain, and Kirk would never have known.
\n58.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk could never have handled a first officer like Riker.\u00c2\u00a0 Riker would have grown impatient with his halting, gasping sentences and thrown him out the cargo bay.
\n57.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk is rude.
\n56.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk would never have allowed an episode involving a dream sequence in which Deanna and Worf become lovers.\u00c2\u00a0 It would have taken away too much attention from him.
\n55.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard has lasted more seasons as the Captain of the Enterprise for a reason.
\n54.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard doesn’t need to wear a wig to feel like a man.
\n53.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk wouldn’t wear a kilt because people would have laughed at his legs and he would have had to kill the entire crew.
\n52.\u00c2\u00a0 If Kirk had met the Borg, they wouldn’t have assimilated him.\u00c2\u00a0 They would have discarded him as space debris.
\n51.\u00c2\u00a0 The Borg only assimilate intelligent life.
\n50.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard has the balls to stand among hundreds of Klingons and argue with them.
\n49.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard doesn’t have to worry that Deanna can read his thoughts.
\n48.\u00c2\u00a0 If Deanna read Kirk’s thoughts, she would find he never had an original thought.
\n47.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard isn’t into swashbuckling, but if he were… <sigh>
\n46.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk thinks himself a futuristic swashbuckler, but is more suited to prehistoric man.
\n45.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard would have been a better foil for Spock.
\n44.\u00c2\u00a0 Keyword: Intelligence.
\n43.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard cares if the crew lives or dies.
\n42.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk only worries about his own butt.
\n41.\u00c2\u00a0 When Picard doesn’t trust the Romulans, he forms an intricate plan to discover what they are really up to.
\n40.\u00c2\u00a0 Two words: Line delivery.
\n39.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard hasn’t contributed to the population explosion.
\n38.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard could have Beverly if he crooked his little finger.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk wouldn’t have a chance.
\n37.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard had the sense to get rid of the ugly doctor and get Beverly back.
\n36.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk’s doctor was a guy.
\n35.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk’s doctor was named Bones.
\n34.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard has a multi-ethnic ship.
\n33.\u00c2\u00a0 Starfleet knew Kirk couldn’t handle other species that might make him feel inferior.
\n32.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk’s girlfriends looked best in complete darkness.
\n31.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard has tossed away beautiful women because they were airheads.
\n30.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard is curious.
\n29.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard collects antiques– such as books.
\n28.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard’s ships logs contain more syllables per word than Kirk’s.
\n27.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk has a short forehead.
\n26.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk has a short neck.
\n25.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk left the Enterprise to become a police captain.
\n24.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard is still on the Enterprise.
\n23.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk has not aged well.
\n22.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard has aged beautifully.
\n21.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard looks fantastic in spandex.
\n20.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard can speak in several languages– and he knows more than just the swear words for each one.
\n19.\u00c2\u00a0 The creator’s wife doesn’t follow Kirk around making cow eyes at him!
\n18.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk couldn’t go anywhere alone.\u00c2\u00a0 He was a scaredy cat.
\n17.\u00c2\u00a0 If there were ever a Klingon on Kirk’s bridge, Kirk would be dead.
\n16.\u00c2\u00a0 Do women swoon when they hear “Beam me up, Scotty?” No?\u00c2\u00a0 How about “Make it so?” See the difference?
\n15.\u00c2\u00a0 A bartender would not have bothered wasting time talking to Kirk.
\n14.\u00c2\u00a0 Ted Turner will never have to start a controversy over the\u00c2\u00a0 colorization of Picard.
\n13.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk never said “Abandon ship!\u00c2\u00a0 All hands abandon ship!” because he was already out of there at the first hint of trouble.
\n12.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk was scared of a little tribble.
\n11.\u00c2\u00a0 A holodeck would have been a waste to Kirk.
\n10.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard can be in the same room for 5 minutes with a woman without groping her.
\n9.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard doesn’t use cologne to mask his natural scent.
\n8.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard can pilot the Enterprise though a mine field.
\n7.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard has sex more than once a season but doesn’t feel the need for us to know of every conquest.
\n6.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard drinks Earl Grey tea.
\n5.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard can actually speak to an android of high intelligence and be\u00c2\u00a0 understood.
\n4.\u00c2\u00a0 Picard isn’t picky about who sits in his chair on the bridge.
\n3.\u00c2\u00a0 Kirk had low performance technology because he couldn’t handle high performance technology.
\n2.\u00c2\u00a0 One word:\u00c2\u00a0 Velour.
\n1.\u00c2\u00a0 Last word– Picard is so far superior to Kirk, this whole list is a waste of time.<\/p>\n
\nCAPTAIN KIRK IS BETTER THAN CAPTAIN PICARD<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n99. Kirk never really got into that kinky “Jumpsuit” look.
\n98. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
\n97. One Word: Hair
\n96. Another Word: Pretty-good-looking-can’t-see-the-weave-WIG.
\n95. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
\n94. Picard is a French man with an English accent.
\n93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher – and damn the consequences!!
\n92. Kirk never drinks tea.\u00c2\u00a0 Ever
\n91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
\n90. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
\n89. Two words:\u00c2\u00a0 Shoulder Roll
\n88. Kirk doesn’t wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
\n87. Kirk once said: “I’ve got a belly-ache – and it’s a beauty.”
\n86. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
\n85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
\n84. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth’s whale population.
\n83. Kirk says, “Prime Directive?\u00c2\u00a0 What Prime Directive?”
\n82. Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
\n81. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
\n80. Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
\n79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
\n78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
\n77. Kirk wasn’t shy about taking his shirt off; even around those pesky Yeoman.
\n76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill.
\n75. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
\n74. One Word: Velour.
\n73. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
\n72. When Kirk was Picard’s age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
\n71. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly Stargazer.\u00c2\u00a0 When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
\n70. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
\n69. One Word: Iman
\n68. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
\n67. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and s**t down its neck.
\n66. Kirk says, “Shoot first and wait for retaliation.”
\n65. Kirk’s first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
\n64. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
\n63. Kirk doesn’t rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
\n62. Two Words:\u00c2\u00a0 Funky Sideburns
\n61. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
\n60. Kirk never once said, “Abandon ship!\u00c2\u00a0 All hands abandon ship!”
\n59. Kirk is not politically correct.
\n58. Kirk never got “dumped” by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
\n57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
\n56. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk’s bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
\n55. Ever hear of a bar shooter called “Make it so?”\u00c2\u00a0 No?\u00c2\u00a0 How about a “Beam me up Scotty” then?\u00c2\u00a0 See the difference?
\n54. One Word: Miniskirts
\n53. Kirk’s girlfriends always look good in soft light.
\n52. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
\n51. Kirk’s first officer didn’t play some wimpy instrument like the\u00c2\u00a0 trombone.
\n50. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
\n49. The extent of Kirk’s knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly translated as “GO F*** YOURSELF.”
\n48. If something doesn’t speak English – it’s toast.
\n47. Kirk wasn’t some prissy archaeology fan.
\n46. Picard’s middle name isn’t tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
\n45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
\n44. Picard never met Joan Collins.
\n43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
\n42\u00c2\u00a0 Picard hasn’t fathered any children; Kirk – probably millions.
\n41. Kirk has a cool phaser – not some pansy Braun mix-master.
\n40. Two Words: Line Delivery
\n39. Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
\n38. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
\n37. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies.\u00c2\u00a0 (Need we say more?)
\n36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
\n35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
\n34. Kirk once fought a Greek god.\u00c2\u00a0 And won.
\n33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he only asks Spock.
\n32. Kirk doesn’t let the doctor tell him what to do.
\n31. One Word: Fisticuffs
\n30. Kirk’s name is hated throughout the galaxy.
\n29. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn’t let it show.
\n28. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
\n27. Kirk’s eulogies can actually make you cry.
\n26. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
\n25. Kirk’s son would never drop out to become a musician.
\n24. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
\n23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
\n22. The Klingons didn’t have a word for surrender – until they met Kirk.
\n21. Kirk’s bridge is not beige.
\n20. Two Words: Crane Shots
\n19. Picard likes wimpy violin music — and coerces Data into playing it.
\n18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles.
\n17. Kirk is a cultural icon – Picard is just some guy who’s really nice.
\n16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
\n15. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
\n14. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses – and nobody dares to call him “four eyes.”
\n13. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon; easily.
\n12. Picard likes painting nudes, for art’s sake.
\n11. When Kirk doesn’t trust the Romulans, he fires at them.\u00c2\u00a0 When Picard doesn’t trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
\n10. Kirk never once, ever, wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
\n9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
\n8. Kirk doesn’t test the engines — he just fires them up.
\n7. When Kirk says, “Boldly Go,” he MEANS it.
\n6. Three Words:\u00c2\u00a0 Flying Leg Kick
\n5. Picard’s crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
\n4. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn’t even impressed.
\n3. Kirk’s bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
\n2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
\n1. One Word: Gonads!<\/p>\n