Tea Party Prototypes, or TPPs, through the ages.
Neolithic TPP:
- Basket? No way. I’ve got hands. Keep the change.
- Horse? Are you crazy? If we were meant to get around on four legs we’d have been born that way. Keep the change.
Bronze age TPP:
- Stone tools are way better. I can make them myself. Keep the change.
Iron age TPP:
- Bronze tools were good enough for my grandfather and they’re plenty good for me. Keep the change.
- If that long-haired preacher and his pack of losers think I’m going to change my religion, they’ve got another think coming. They can keep the change.
Renaissance TPP:
- The sun goes around the earth. God said so. Galileo, you’re in deep sewage.
Industrial Revolution TPP:
- I can make those things better by hand. Get that factory out of my town. Keep the change.
- I am not riding on that infernal machine. I’ve got my own two feet. Keep the change.
Revolutionary TPP:
- That Patrick Henry is nothing but a wild-eyed community organizer. God Save the King!
- Our Colonial government is just fine the way it is. God Save the King!
Civil War TPP:
- States rights!
Mid 19th century TPP:
- Charles Darwin is crazy. The Bible tells me ALL I need to know, and that settles it.
- No, women do not need to vote, and anyone who says they do is a harridan. Keep the change.
Gilded Age TPP:
- The public be damned!
- Birth control is against the law and that’s that. Keep the change.
2oth century TPP:
- I’m voting for Hoover!
- I’m voting for Landon!
- I’m voting for Willkie!
- I’m voting for Dewey!
- There are communists in the State Department and fluoride in the water!
- Love it or leave it!
- Nixon’s the One!
- Whitewater! Travelgate! Impeach!
….yeah, there’s an age old pattern. Keep the change.
