Not that today’s politics aren’t parody-worthy, but I haven’t gotten around to dealing with the current crop of candidates yet. While I mull over the many possibilities, here’s one from years gone by. And it was written well before the man in question really did get “voted out in two,” so chalk up a good prediction. 🙂
Newt’s Mama Speaks Out
to the tune of “Officer Kruppke” (West Side Story)
Dear kindly Mrs. Gingrich,
You talked to Connie Chung,
She caught you whisper-ing “bitch”
So now your boy gets hung.
Your precious cherub darling
Now screams that he’s been had;
Golly whiskers, Newtie Poo was mad.
But dear Mrs. Gingrich,
It’s really OK,
We wouldn’t want you saying things that Newt wouldn’t say.
But don’t let him tell you you misunderstood,
Just let him take the heat but good.
Take the heat but good, ’cause he’s bad, not good,
So let him take the heat but good.
Dear Mrs. Maury Povich,
Beware a Newt surprise.
Don’t let him tell you “no bitch,”
‘Cause if he does, he lies.
You know he can’t deny it,
His mama told you true,
Holy smokers, what’s a Newt to do?
But dear Mrs. Povich,
You’ve got it on tape,
So never mind the sights and sounds of Newt going ape.
And don’t let him tell you you misunderstood,
Just let him take the heat but good.
Take the heat but good, he deserves it good,
So let him take the heat but good.
Dear kindly Mrs. Clinton,
The Newt called you a name,
And now the Newt is hintin’
That Connie gets the blame.
He says it’s off the record,
He says his mom was tricked,
Whoopee cushions, Newtie Poo is ticked!
But dear Mrs. Clinton, hang onto your poise,
The country will learn soon enough that Newt’s fulla noise.
His contract is bogus,
His head’s full of glue,
And he’ll be voted out in two.
He’ll be out in two, voted out in two,
So let him rave and rant and stew. (Out in two!)
Dear kindly Mrs. Gingrich,
We’ve come to realize,
Let’s put it into English,
Your family takes the prize.
You beat the Corleones,
It’s very plain to see,
Ewwie, gooey, what a family!
So dear Mrs. Gingrich, get out while you can.
The country doesn’t need the Gingrich family plan.
Forgive us for hoping
You guys are all through….
Please join us in saying: Newt Who!
